Hope

In my special quiet spot, I read from what is becoming my favorite book in the Bible, Isaiah. This was in chapter 60 verses 19 and 20.

  The sun shall no longer be your light by day,

Nor for brightness shall the moon give light to you; 

But the LORD will be to you an everlasting light,

And your God your glory.

Your sun shall no longer go down,

Nor shall your moon withdraw itself;

For the LORD will be your everlasting light,

And the days of your mourning shall be ended.(emphasis mine)

Wow, "the days of your mourning shall be ended". I am ready for my days of mourning to be ended, even though my Blessed Comforter has been the nearest at these mourning times. I don't think the Scripture passage truly meant that will happen in this life, but in the life to come. Yet, I'm grateful for the hope. And perhaps, just perhaps, my mourning is ended here on earth for a time.

In the meantime, I will bask in the sun, though it goes down. I will enjoy the full moon with its light at night. And I will depend on God being my glory. 

And while I'm in mourning--and I can hope it will end at least for a time--I still have the hope and knowledge the LORD is my everlasting light. And that is enough.

An "aha" Moment

I was wowed by Scripture today. That's why I highly recommend to everyone to read through the Bible. Not necessarily in one year, but in a methodic, purposeful way. I found something that isn't the "Read it Through One Year" type because for me that was too much. I'd just speed-read through it, mark it on the little marker, brush my hands together as if to say, "I've done my duty today." No. The method I like takes you through on a slower path. Each day you read a certain section of the Bible. Today I read in Luke 1. I have read in Luke many times. It's a capstone book of the New Testament and in great detail, tells us about our Lord and Savior. What I missed until today, though, was the passage where John the Baptist's father, Zacharias, prophesied after John's birth. Here it is:

And you, child (speaking to his newborn son), will be called the prophet of the Highest; 

For you will go before the face of the Lord to prepare His ways, 

To give knowledge of salvation to His people 

By the remission of their sins, 

Through the tender mercy of our God, with which the Dayspring from on high has visited us;

 To give light to those who sit in darkness and the shadow of death, 

To guide our feet into the way of peace.

Does that get to you like it does to me? It is so clear that Jesus WAS the Messiah! Oh that eyes will be opened. I've read through the Bible--in the faster, one-year method, and the slower, a-day-in-each-section-of-Scripture, thus taking at least three years time. At least 30 times I've run, jogged, and strolled through the Bible. Yet today, the above passage just jumped out at me. Isn't it wonderful? Can you think of another piece of literature that can speak to us. Day after day, year after year? We are so very, very blessed with Scripture. A gift from God. A letter from the Holy One to us.

I love words and the words and phrases that really spoke to me today were: "face of the Lord", "tender mercy of our God", "Dayspring". I don't think I can add any more to these God-inspired words. Do you?

Somewhere in California

Good Friday

In my devotions today, I was reminded of how God takes care of everything. That includes hazy pink blossomed plum trees. Struggling spears of tulips leaves, pushing through the soil. Arrogant daffodils with their bright lemon yellow trumpet-like noses. Hatching chicks--with their built in beak hooks to help them break out of their opaque oval prison. Don't those little miracles of creation show how much He cares?

This Good Friday--and it is Good for the terrible sacrifice the Holy One suffered for ME (and you) gives us eternal life when we believe and accept His gift. Can we do anything less than entrust our circumstances to Him--great and small? Like over-charges on my credit card, a possible lawsuit in my family, healing a family member's broken heart--or on my mind today, my second-to-youngest grandie girl, little Em, who will have surgery today for a broken bone. I can trust God to take care of the big and small. He's big enough--and most of all, cares enough--even more than I can ever imagine. And that is Good.

Traveling Internationally

I've done quite a bit of traveling--and even internationally. God has blessed me with many opportunities. I was able to go to England, Wales and Scotland with my first husband, Bill. It was an adventure we shared together. In Scotland, we looked at each other questioningly when the server repeated our order in her Scottish brogue. Did she say we were getting a burger? Or one Scottish woman when complaining about England having too many sheep: "Sheepie, sheepie, everywhere!" It became our private joke: "sheepie, sheepie."

Then I traveled to Italy with two of my sisters and sister in law.We marveled at the lovely scenery. It was exactly like the movie "Under the Tuscan Sun"! We giggled when we hoped the conductor wouldn't ask us for our tickets on the train, for we forgot to keep the ticket.

Then there was the mega trip to South Africa with 17 hours of flight. But I had my second husband, Blair, with me. We laughed together at the movies. Agreed the food wasn't that great. And held hands on take offs and landings.

I just returned from my first international flight alone. My heart squeezed in sadness and memory as a couple held hands and the husband kissed his wife. I had to stop myself from grabbing my seat mate's hand when we bumped a bit descending in Reykjavik, Iceland. But I did it! One more step moving forward. Creating new history--by myself--and those special people I have in my life.

Hohenzollern Castle

In Heidelberg

Malbronn Monastery

Best of all, Meghan and Grammie

Super Bowl

Well, I made it through another Super Bowl. It was fun. My team won. My family was there. We had good food and laughed a lot.

That's not to say I didn't have glimmers of sadness during the day, for I did. Yesterday marked the anniversary of the death of my husband of 40 years. Bill died on February 3, 2006. It was two days later, on Super Bowl Sunday, we were planning his funeral service. People were at my house going over things he said and did. We were remembering.

The next couple of years were a learning experience. Learning to do things I'd never done before. Most of all, though, I learned to truly lean and trust in my Father God. He loved me so much He gave me as a  gift to his only Son, Jesus, who died for me!

Then I was given a wonderful, nearly heavenly-like experience. I fell in love again with a kind and wonderful man. Who loved football. Who would never miss a Super Bowl Game. So for one Super Bowl, Blair and I watched it together. By ourselves, for we didn't need anyone else. We ate. Cheered. Enjoyed each other's company.

Four years after that sad Super Bowl day of remembering Bill, I spent it alone again. Oh, the house was full of people, for we were celebrating Blair's life in the form of a Super Bowl Wake. But I was alone, for my best friend, lover and husband was not there. His memorial service was the day before. Blair's team lost that day. And we lost him.

I'm getting better. Learning how to live without both of those special men. Learning how to live a new normal. But Super Bowl always brings me back to those sad memories.

I do know this. Both Bill and Blair would have wanted me to go on. To move forward in my life. And I am. Some days are just more difficult than others. I'm glad there's only one Super Bowl every year.

He Was There

"This is my doing." He said in I Kings 12:24. I've come through a storm. It was a mere tempest compared to some of the storms in my life. This one was a short storm. It is past now. There is promise of sunshine today and I am glad. I am so grateful for the hope I have in the Lord. He is with me. Has been with me. Will be with me. Past, present and future! What more can I ask?! I won't ask. I will trust.

Somewhere in Montana

January Dates

Why am I feeling so bluesy today? I did all the right things. I had my coffee. I read my Bible. I prayed. I even went to the gym. But I’ve got this uneasy sort of feeling. I thought about what day it was. It’s the end of January and January is filled with many dates full of sorrow and loss. January 29th especially.

On that date in 2006, my husband of forty years, Bill, had a second stroke and his condition worsened. He had been in the hospital for two days and they had been watching him carefully. Late in the afternoon, the neurosurgeon decided Bill needed a dangerous procedure to keep him from dying. Dr. George Shanno performed an angioplasty of the four arteries in his brain. The immediate outcome was successful and many of Bill’s symptoms were relieved. He was able to move his left side more easily, though he would still need therapy. His neurologist thought he would be a good candidate for that. We had a few good days with Bill and it seemed like he would beat the latest battle on his body but on February 3, 2006, Bill passed into eternity with his Lord and Savior.

Many things happened after that. I learned to live alone for the first time. I had to find a new job. I made myself learn new things I’d never had to do before. I missed Bill and hated being alone. But then, I had joy and new love. I married another wonderful man. We had just  returned one month earlier from a six week trip to South Africa. It had been a second honeymoon. 

January 29, 2010. I didn’t think about the significance of this date. Blair and I had a wonderful day. It was a Friday. We had been to the gym. We had a special Friday night dinner. Scallops with angel hair pasta and roasted red pepper soup. A good white wine. A movie. Togetherness.

Moments later, Blair didn't feel well. His symptoms worsened and I called an ambulance. He lost consciousness and was taken to the hospital emergency room. They needed to relieve pressure on his brain from a hemorrhage. The same neurosurgeon, Dr. George Shanno, performed the surgery. Later he told me he didn’t think there was much hope and several hours later, Blair was declared brain dead. 

We donated his kidneys and on January 31, 2010, Blair also entered eternity.

Yes, the 29th of January has significance to me. Of loss and sadness, but also triumph as I know both of those men had faith in Jesus Christ and were in heaven with Him. I have the joy of knowing I will see them again when it is my turn to enter heaven’s gates. 

        Now I understand my uneasiness. The malaise I was experiencing. I must walk through this time of significant dates.  I’ll get better. Just not today.