Pearls

Love that is hoarded molds at last,

Until we know someday

That the only things we ever have

Are those we give away.

It’s been nearly three months since my mother in law, Marian Rudberg, left this earth for eternity. I should say Heaven. Everyone leaves the earth for eternity, but not everyone chooses Heaven. Marian is in Heaven.

Marian had a deep faith in God and I know right now she’s enjoying the presence of Jesus. She was a strong pray-er and talked about her Lord and Savior often. Her Bible was well marked and the binding loose from the many times she paged through it. 

She lived for nine decades and was 93 years old. I’m facing a new decade in a week or so, and I’m not excited about it. Yet, measured in decades, it doesn’t sound quite so old. We can’t stop time, much as we’d like to. 

My mother in law loved her home and the things in it. She made her copper bottomed pots and pans shine with cleanliness. She dusted and polished her furniture to a rich gleam and her home was spotless. She ironed her tea towels and even her sheets!

Marian had a hope chest for each grandchild—boy or girl—and throughout the years, put some of her treasures in there. Tea towels, crystal, a recipe book, a handmade afghan.

When she moved into a one bedroom apartment, there were many things she gave away to family, or sold at a yard sale. 

As Marian grew older, she moved one last time to a group home and now her home was reduced to one room, allowing for only a few pieces of furniture. Even those were eliminated at the end when there was only a dresser and hospital bed in the room.

Just last week, her surviving son, Don and his wife Nancy, presented me with something she left for me. It was her string of pearls—real ones—that I know she treasured. I remember her saying at one time, she didn’t want to wear them for they needed to be re-strung and she was afraid they’d break and she’d lose some of the pearls.

I felt a swift feeling of sadness, yet pleasure that she remembered me. I missed her—not the Marian in her last days so much, though she was still that loving person—but all those years she was in my life. More than fifty! It was an honor those pearls were singled out for me. I know she carefully thought about what to give to each person and when she fingered her pearls, she thought of me! 

One day, I’ll pass those glowing pearls on to another. But it ’s really other things about Marian I’ll remember than the lovely necklace that belongs to me now. It’s her strong faith in God. Her love as well as her stubbornness and determination. 

 Thanks for remembering me, Mom. I’ll see you again one day in Heaven. Maybe we’ll even meet at the pearly gates. I know you’ve already seen them—and I’ll bet you’re amazed at the beauty there. I’m pretty sure you haven’t thought once about that string of pearls you left me. You loved deeply and though you were very human, I’d say love would be the best description of you! And I know that would make you happy!

Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.

I Peter 4:8

What do you want to be remembered by? I’m pondering that question too.

 Enjoy your day. And think about what treasures mean the most to you—and what you want others to remember about you. 

Here are some photos of Mom, just because it’s fun to see the changes over the years. 

With nephew Ron and firstborn son, Bill

Marian loved her great grandchildren

She loved parties, giving them and attending them, too

In Marian's early days

At one of her most difficult moments

This taken only 10 months ago

Welcoming Jim into the family

Christmas, 2013

True Friendship Lasts a Lifetime

I had a date yesterday. It was a blind date of sorts. You see, it was with a friend who was my best friend in elementary school. 

Here we are in 4th Grade. Sue's on the end, I'm wearing yellow

She and I attended grade school together in the old days. I remember sleeping over at her place, in the twin bed in the cold upstairs bedroom. As you dropped off to sleep, you could hear Johnson Creek gurgle and talk in the back yard. We wandered around the little farm as young girls, looking at cows. We played in the pond and pulled up skeins of frog eggs that looked like lacy green curtains with emerald sequins . We kept secrets at school, and in our imaginations were sure there was buried treasure out in the playground. We played marbles at recess. Learned  to play the violin from the same teacher. We sang duets together in school programs. She sang lead, I sang harmony. We each loved to read, and would share titles and books we picked up in the bookmobile that visited our school every other week. We talked about everything as best friends do. Our future. Who would we marry? What would we grow up to be? What would heaven be like? In the fifth grade she and I were one of the few select students in our class invited to participate on a local television program where each of us would perform a science experiment. It was so exciting to be on live TV! Most years we were in the same class and always tried to sit next to each other. There was a good chance of that—our last names were close in the alphabet. L and Q. 

This time we sat next to each other: 6th grade

For six years, we remained steadfast friends, but in the middle of the seventh grade, my family moved to Washington State. It was only across the river from Oregon, but at age 12, that’s a long way. 

We corresponded by mail for a few years. I was in her wedding. She came to mine a year later. We even had a few family get-togethers when our first borns were little. But time, as it does to all, ate away any chance of nurturing that friendship. 

Last year on a whim, I decided to see if I could locate Susan on FaceBook. I found her!

Yesterday, we met after at least 25 years. She was wearing an animal print top. So was I! She still had the same winning smile, her hair still strawberry blonde, her eyes, a rich, warm caramel.

Just a few years later.....

We talked for a long time, as good friends do. Neither of our parents are on earth anymore. She’d suffered painful loss in the death of her teenaged daughter. I’d lost two husbands so now there’s a kinship of loss. But it’s really more than that. It’s what caused us to like each other in the first place. As we said goodbye to each other yesterday, we promised it wouldn’t be so long next time. And it won’t. I’m so glad we found each other. Welcome back into my life, Sue!

Cathedrals Among the Rocks

We’ve been home nearly a week now and for the most part, adjusted to the Pacific Time Zone. 

Our trip was amazing and never to be forgotten. For the first twelve days, we wended our way through Israel, that tiny country that packs amazing history wherever you go. We climbed up slopes, gazed at rocks, stepped down into ancient water tunnels allowing towns to withstand enemy onslaughts for months. There were beautiful old cathedrals in cities and villages. We climbed among the the tels--archeological mounds created by old civilizations--and on one road, we stopped and gazed at an old, first century tomb that the road department workers discovered while working on the road. It was similar to the garden tomb where they laid Jesus. 

Each day, we were awestruck by the sights we saw. The rock sites that once were cities began to take on personality and substance. 

It was so satisfying to see OLD churches still in existence. In Jerusalem, there was one founded and built in 325 AD. THAT’s old!

We ended our trip by visiting a dear family in a little town called Avanos, near Cappadocia. Turkey has its own flavor and antiquity as well. Sad that even though the apostle Paul journeyed there three times, and early church seeds were planted and the early Christian Church thrived. Yet now, no cathedrals grace the streets, to attract visitors. Just newer mosques with their minarets and the speakers on top of them where the call to prayer is announced five times a day.

While we were in Turkey, we took a hike not far from Avanos with the family. They called it a valley, but here in the NW, we would call it a gorge. It was beautiful and reminded me of high desert central Oregon. Mountains and streams, sprinkled with evergreens and rocks. 

Among the rocks there were churches! Yes churches! 

High among the blooming trees, there were caves. We climbed up to a few and here’s what we saw:

I thought about those churches. Fearing persecution, early Christians hid and worshiped back there in the wilderness, carving out a place to worship  Jesus.

Governments from the first century up to now, have tried to stamp out Christianity but have not been successful. Though they had to hide and hew their churches in rocks, the cross is still there to remind believers what Jesus did for us. 

"I tell you," he replied, "if they keep quiet, the stones will cry out."

Luke 19:40

I'm grateful for those brave souls who kept believing in spite of persecution. I'm grateful for the One who gives us strength to believe and even gives us what faith we have. I'm so glad God promises us His love:

....yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed.

Isaiah 54:10

Greetings From Turkey!

We’ve been on a long journey and I am surprised how quickly the time has gone. What can I say to summarize our tour of the Holy Land? I think I’ll give a few small bites of the trip.

The sights were nearly unbelievable. Rocks and more rocks that soon morphed into several thousand-year-old cities.

This is our hotel in Jerusalem

We saw the Jordan River and the Spring of Dan, one of the three springs that feed the Jordan River. We hiked up to a newly discovered Canaanite Gate—The Gate of Three Arches, where findings revealed Abram would have walked through with his nephew Lot and wife Sarai.

Gate of Three Arches, Where Abram entered

Entering the Dead Sea. Once in, it was great!

The streets of Capernaum, where Jesus walked

Where Jesus walked

On top of Mt. Carmel, where Elijah challenged Baal

A few of the people on the tour took notes, but for me—a habitual note taker—it was too much. There were too many awe-striking views to photograph, listen to the lectures by our tour guides, let alone write down much of the facts that were given. 

We listened to Dr. Ron Allen’s lecture at each location. They were full of information peppered with biblical facts and stories. I snapped photo after photo ’til the battery of my iPhone died, then we’d use the other phone.

Seeing the country with names such as Mt. Tabor, Mt Hermon, Mt Gilboa to name a few. Hopefully when we are home we can piece together our itinerary with our photos and remember more. We may have to return!

Meanwhile, I’m reflecting on what I’ve seen and what it means to me spiritually and otherwise. Every bit of the Bible has opened up to me.  When we read from our Bibles, we get out the map and remember our time in that particular spot.



There's so much more I could say, but I'll wait a few days. We've been in Turkey the past five days with a wonderful family. Thank you Kai and Chris! We loved our time with you in a "real" foreign town, complete with stone walls, Turkish toilets, and the sound of the calls to prayer from the Minarets. Such a sad sound.

Tomorrow we return home. I  think we'll see things differently now. We have more of an old world perspective.

Enjoy the remainder of this Holy Week.  And the most important day, Resurrection Sunday. Hallelujah! Christ is risen!

Possible tomb where they lay Jesus--empty now!

Marriage Takes Three--God-shaped prayers

Thirty months ago today, I heard a friendly voice on my phone asking me for a coffee date. I had my fingers crossed and high hopes that our first face-to-face meeting might produce a relationship that would lead to marriage. That's why I was on this matching service. I'd had more dates in my sixties than I'd ever had in my teens. Many of the dates were duds, but I was always optimistic that someday I'd meet a perfect match. The good thing about an online matching service is if the person doesn't work out, you can just tell them you don't think you're a match--via email, usually--and that's that. This guy, Jim, was different. We clicked immediately and as I've told you before, we knew we were a match almost immediately. Three months later, we were married. 

I could tell you more of the back story--but just go here: http://www.shirleymozena.com/other/bsc_excerpt.pdf. I will tell you that after several disappointing encounters with the opposite sex, I was ready to give up. I even told God that He'd have to bring a man into my life. I asked Him--God--if He would bring a guy who loved Him as much--or even more--than I did. And of course, that this guy would be crazy-in-love with me. 

That brings us to today. How's it going after thirty months? Jim was worth the wait. He was worth the wait after a heartbreaking engagement--and two previous profound losses. Our marriage is nearly perfect. We are compatible. We enjoy our daily routines with each other. First, we must have coffee. Then we read our Bibles together and pray. We do this every morning. One of my favorite mugs is one that was a gift at Christmas. There are two mugs, actually. A "Mr." and "Mrs." 

On the back of each mug is a reminder:

A marriage that follows God's plan

takes more than a woman and a man.

It needs a oneness that can be Only from Christ

marriage takes three.

Our marriage is sweeter because we each know what it's like to be with a marriage partner. And without. We both know we've been gifted to each other for this time. Of course our imaginations go to fearful thoughts like, what we would do without the other? Yet, we go back to the trust factor. I know--and Jim knows, too--where our every breath comes from: the Giver of Life. In the meantime, though, I will be grateful for the special gift God brought into my life thirty months ago. I will not fret or worry, for it doesn't help one whit. I love what Paul the apostle says in his letter to the Philippians:

Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.

The Message, Philippians 4: 6-7

So my friend, you might ask, why doesn’t God bring a man into my life? A man of my dreams? I don’t have an answer for you. I can’t promise God will answer your prayer as He did mine, but I can tell you He is there. He cares and He knows where you are and what your deepest desires are, too. But do take your worries into prayers—and God promises that you will have a “sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good and settle you down.” It’s right there. Trust in those words. It's worth it. 

Valentines Day Times Three

Three wonderful years we've been able to  celebrate the holiday of love.

It makes me forget those lonely days when I didn't have a lover to make the day special. 

I think back ten years ago. It was only eleven days after Bill, my first husband, entered eternity and I was by myself. That day, my dear sister Joyce drove down from Seattle just to be with me. We visited our mother, who was recuperating from a broken hip in a local care center. We then selected a quiet restaurant in Ridgefield to have dinner. Just the two of us. It wasn't the same as being with my husband, but my soul was soothed by having a companion with me I loved. It was bearable. 

Six years ago, I was alone again. My sweet Valentine was abruptly taken from me only 15 days earlier when my second husband,Blair, entered eternity. I don't remember what I did that year. I know I was numb from disbelief that after only 17 months of marriage, I'd be alone again. 

But I wasn't alone, for I had my loving Savior, right beside me. Some people might question the sense of an unseen Person there. But I did. God promises that he is. So many times I reflected on the passage in Isaiah where God promises to be the husband.

"...and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood. 

For your Maker is your husband

the LORD Almighty is his name--

the Holy One of Israel is your

Redeemer;

he is called the God of all the earth.

The LORD will call you back

as if you were a wife deserted and

distressed in spirit--

a wife who married young,

only to be rejected," says your God.

Isaiah 54:4b - 6

There were times when in the early years of my first marriage where things were not good. I felt like I didn't have a husband though I was married. I took hope in that passage. "My Maker is my husband." 

Perhaps you're in a "widowhood" period of time in your life. You'd like to be married or with someone who loves you like no other. I can't promise you that God will bring that perfect man into your life, but instead, He gives Himself! The Holy One who redeemed you!

Lean on that this Valentines. And though I'm with a lover on this third Valentines celebration, I haven't forgotten what it's like to be alone--yet not alone. May you sense the "God of all the earth" as you celebrate this day of love. With someone. Or with Someone. Either way, you can have the best!

January Memories, Part III, It Must Be Told

Exactly one week ago.....

It is difficult to write about a major event six years later. I can partially remember the depth of sadness I experienced, but not fully. Photos and journal entries remind me of that tumultuous time, but so many things have changed since that wretched date, six years ago today. 

The day started so brightly that January 29, exactly the same day of the week six years ago. A Friday. A day that forever changed my life. Again.

 In 2006, I’d said farewell to the husband of my youth. The father of my children. I made a new covenant with another man, in 2008. I took his last name, Graybill. My husband Blair and I combined our family. His kids were mine and my kids were his. He had no grandchildren, so it was easy for him to adopt mine. But I digress. On that fateful Friday evening, Blair Graybill lost consciousness and never again regained it. He died, Sunday, January 31, 2010. There’s much I could say about him. Blair loved his God, he loved life, his sons, and my children and grandchildren. And he loved me. 

That time seems like another life, for it is. Yet the marriage that was only 17 months in length, taught me many things. Primarily, it taught me that I could love again. And love Blair I did. I have wonderful memories that I cherish. 

What I remember the most about those terrible days in January and beyond is how amazingly close my Savior and Comforter, Jesus was during that time of mourning and loss. 

Incredibly, God performed another miracle when He brought Jim into my life nearly four years later. I was warned I’d already had a Cinderella-like experience already after meeting and marrying my second husband, and was told it most likely wouldn’t happen again. But it did! And that’s what makes the story so wonderful. 

Jim and I are reading a devotional called The One Year Book of Psalms, 365 Inspirational Readings. This morning’s reading was excellent in describing our experience:

You have turned my mourning into joyful dancing.

You have taken away my clothes of mourning and 

clothed me with joy,

that I might sing praises to you and not be silent.

O LORD my God, I will give you thanks forever!

So on this day, February 5, six years ago on 2010, the day we laid to rest Henry Blair Graybill II, I am remembering what I had with Blair. Thankful for the extra family members who call me Mama Shirley and Grammie. And we know this is not the end. Eternity will be the beginning. 

Walla Walla, Washington