I’ve been working on my new book this week. It’s a memoire of sorts and I’ve been thinking a lot about my past. I’ve thought about my father and my mother. My grandparents. I’ve tried to imagine what they thought and how they felt about events that took place in their lives. There is much I know about them. But also things I don’t know.
Jim and I are leading a GriefShare group and someone made an interesting statement. She said something like this, “I don’t think you ever get over grief. It’s with you for the rest of your life.” I don’t think I totally agree with that statement, yet right now, that’s how she feels for she’s still in the stage of “profound loss”. That’s what grief is like. There is that “profound loss” when someone very special in your life is taken away from you in death. Sometimes the death is sudden. Sometimes it’s a prolonged goodbye. Sometimes, it’s “old age” and expected—at some time—just not now. I’ve experienced all of these. They are all a profound loss.
How do you get from profound loss to sweet memories, you might ask. I would say from my experience, you work through the grief. It is work to grieve. Don’t try to fool yourself that time alone takes care of the grief, for it doesn’t completely. One of the best things a person can do in their grief process is talk to God. He is the giver of life—and the “taker” of life, too. If you cannot pray because of the trauma, then read His words from the Bible. They are soothing and very real. Talk about the loved one who is now gone from earth. Review your life with them. Think about their talents and failures. Tell your story to a “safe person” many times—that’s why there’s GriefShare. Purposefully look at photos and remember. If it’s a family member in your household, go through their things and determine what to do with them. Admit this person was not perfect and review what was and what was not. Write out things you loved and things you regret. Write these things down—for you—no one else—needs to read them. Finally, give all of this to God, who knows and understands better than anyone.
Sometimes we haven’t lost someone in death but have experienced some kind of profound loss. Such as divorce. Loss of job.Loss of health or illness. Loss of a home. Loss of financial security. Loss of a friendship. I could go on but I think you get the point. All of life is grief. That sounds hopeless, but it doesn’t have to be, for God the Father sent His Son, Jesus to take care of that “grief”. He, who was perfect, was the perfect sacrifice for our sins—the breech between humankind and God. Not only did He die, but He rose again! No other god has done that. Only Jesus. That’s why we have hope and someday, we’ll not have to grieve. We can look forward to no more tears—or dying.
In the meantime, we move forward on the road of life. Suffering profound loss. Working through the profound loss where—as I have been doing—remembering sweet memories.
