Christmas Joy

My days have been filled with many plans. Before the wedding, each day, Jim and I would look at our "today's list" and complete as much as was possible. The wedding day arrived. Clear and cold. It was reported to be the coldest day recorded for December 7th. There is much to write about that--but that's for another time.

Cutting our first piece of cake. What fun!

After the wedding I thought,  Surely, things will calm down and we won't have to plan every minute any more! Well, as you might guess, that isn't the case! After a glorious honeymoon trip to cold, cold Whistler, Canada, we returned to our home in Vancouver.

There was a nearly completed remodeling project to home and back yard. Unopened boxes packed from two households. And of course, CHRISTMAS! Gifts. Cards. Plans for Christmas Day, Christmas Eve. Our new blended family gift list. Just to give you an idea of how many people in our blended family, here's a shot of those who were at the wedding. It doesn't include all of the family, but gives you an idea of the size of the family. We are blessed!

Rudberg/Graybill/Mozena Families

We sang Great Is Thy Faithfulness at our wedding and it seems appropriate to include in this blog:

Great is Thy faithfulness, O God my Father;

There is no shadow of turning with Thee;
Thou changest not, Thy compassions, they fail not;
As Thou hast been, Thou forever will be.
Great is Thy faithfulness!
Great is Thy faithfulness!
Morning by morning new mercies I see.
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided;
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me!

Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth
Thine own dear presence to cheer and to guide; 
Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow,
Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside!




What more can I say? God has been so faithful to Jim and I.




Many blessings to each of you. Merry Christmas and may each of you find joy this Christmas season.

Write Them Down!

What do we write down? Our prayers and prayer requests! Why? So you can see how God is working in your life every moment! While relaxing one day, I was thumbing through my personal journal. There's a lot of private things I wouldn't reveal to everyone, but this excerpt caught my eye.

Luke 11: 9, 10

So I say to you, ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened.

That was the verse that stood out to me from the chapter of my daily Bible reading that day on July 5, 2013.  My prayer was this:

OK, God, I am asking. For a godly, loving husband. Someone who madly loves me and wants me for his wife. That I will love and want him, too. I am asking seeking, knocking.

It was a bold prayer. But I knew I could ask. You see, He's been with me through some dark, difficult roads these nearly four years. He was there during those sleepless nights. During the lonely Sunday afternoons. During quiet evenings. During the holidays where I kept myself busy and tried to be as happy and content as I could be. During travels--alone or with a friend--when I longed for a mate at my side. I rested in the request that day, though three days later, I said to God:

Future mate. It isn't Simon. It isn't Jake. It isn't Mike. You know, though. I'm waiting on you to show me.

Proverbs 27:14 

Wait on the LORD;

Be of good courage,

And He shall strengthen your heat'

Wait, I say on the LORD!

I said to God:

OK, Lord, I will wait.

Another day, another Scripture passage:

Psalm 16:11

You will show me the path of life;

In Your presence is fulness of joy;

At Your right hand are pleasures evermore.

On September 4, 2013, I was hopeful my coffee date with a man named Jim would be a good one. Would we like each other? Would he be the man he seemed to be on the internet dating service? The short version would be YES he was! So quickly we went to polite strangers, to really good friends, to quickly fall in love with each other. And then, YES, engaged to be married! In two days, we will be married. Jim is that man I was asking for in that prayer on July 5th of this year. The godly, loving man who was madly in love with me and wants me as his wife. That I would love and want him too. Does God always answer prayers that quickly? Yes and no. For you see, I had been asking for about twenty months. I am so grateful to the Giver of Life. That He cares about every detail of my life and listens. Particularly on July 5th. 

Day after tomorrow, on December 7, 2013, at eleven o'clock in the morning, Jim and I will stand before our pastors, our family, our friends and declare our vows to be faithful the remainder of our days. The most important Person in the audience will be both Jim and my loving Savior and Lord, Jesus Christ. It is before Him our vows are most important, for He will be the third person in our relationship.

I will share more thoughts later in the month, when my name will be Shirley Mozena. God bless us everyone!

Taking Vows

Two weeks from tomorrow, I will take vows during a wedding ceremony to my fiance-soon-to-be-husband. 

I looked up the definition of vow: "a solemn promise, pledge, or personal commitment". 

When I was nineteen, I said those vows and though I knew they were serious vows, I had no idea what they really meant. I just wanted to get married! 

I said them again forty-two years later. I understood better how serious the vows were. It was easy to say, "to love and to cherish, in sickness and in heath." The "'til death us do part" filled me with the memories of the choking loss two years earlier. Yet, it was with hope I said them.

In two weeks, I will most likely, choke on those words. But again, I will say them with hope. For God has gifted me with a wonderful man who loves and cherishes me. I will say, "For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness or in health, to love and to cherish 'till death do us part....

One of my favorite Bible verses is in Romans 15:13 May the God hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Beautiful Feet

I've just returned from a two day speaking "tour". It was in eastern Washington and the drive was long. Things in my life right now are wonderfully busy and I questioned myself if I really should take the time to do this. I'm so glad I did.

The two groups were receptive to my talk. They wanted to know more about my story and purchased my book. I met some wonderful people and made new friends. While in the area, I was able to visit and encourage an old friend who is ministering to a very ill spouse.

A verse fluttered in my mind as I was thinking about those people and it was from an old prophet, 

Isaiah 52:7a 

How beautiful upon the mountains

Are the feet of him who brings good news

That was me on Tuesday and Wednesday! I was bringing good news! That Jesus Christ is the only way--and the best way. That God can and does bring salvation and hope to all people. If they will accept Him. And He heals the broken hearted. 

How do I know? Because He did just that with me. 

Mountain Tops

Mt St. Helens Summit, October 19, 2013
 Andrew, Jim, Shirley, Erika, Caleb

Twenty five years ago, I climbed my first mountain. There were at least 15 climbers that day. There was blue sky, hot sun, a 360 degree view of mountains, forest and city. A chalky dust covered my exposed legs. The climb was difficult, but I made it. My teen aged daughter was there, several old and new friends. The most special partner was my husband, Bill. 

Just last month, I climbed the mountain for the eleventh time. It wasn’t any easier, even though I’d summited it ten times before. The rocks seemed bigger. I carefully picked the safest and steadiest one. I had to work on my breathing as I climbed. I wanted to stop, sit down, rest, and not go any farther. But I wouldn’t have seen the glorious view at the top. I would have missed high-fiving my two grandsons, my daughter--now forty years old. 

More than this eleventh summit experience was my special partner this time. His name is Jim Mozena, a widower who also understands the loss of a daughter and spouse. We will marry in a few short weeks. God has blessed me once more with a third chance at love.

I honestly did not believe I would find another partner in this life. It’s very possible I would have had to live without a mate. In my case, God in His very personal way, brought Jim into my life. That might not be your story. Regardless, God is a personal God. Who cares about each of us individually. 

Love Has Come

Yes. Indeed it has. I honestly did not think God would bring such a man into my life again, but He has! I give God the praise and thanks.

We met on E-Harmony. I wasn't sure if it would work. I'd been on several different matching sites, yet, about two weeks after joining this one, a man's photo popped into view. All the qualities I wanted seemed to be there. I'd been disappointed before, though. Was this guy for real?

 E-Harmony requires a potential member to answer many questions about ourselves. It takes a lot of time to answer them--for me anyway. Once a match is made, you can send them a "smile". This indicates you may be interested in them. They take the next step. He responded by sending me five questions. I promptly answered them. Then I sent him some questions. He answered quickly. Our answers showed similar beliefs about marriage, faith, and family. Oh yes, politics too. We seemed to be a match!

Jim sent me an email asking me to coffee. I said yes....and the rest is history! You may read about our story in another book. When I have time. Right now, I'm very busy. In love. In life. With Jim.

Joy Comes in the Morning

Weeping may endure for a night,

But joy comes in the morning.

Psalm 30:5b

I love reading the Psalms for it touches my heart nearly every time I read it. The above passage was today's reading and the words filled my heart with excitement.

During the past three years and nine months, my nights have been filled with weeping and sleeplessness. Yet, I knew God would be faithful and bring joy back into my life, for He has done it countless times. I took out my pink marker and underlined those words in my Bible to remind me yet again, how full my joy can be and is.

I realize joy is not always present in our lives. There are hills and valleys throughout our time on Earth. But dear reader, yet again, I am filled with JOY! And God is the giver of joy--and weeping, too. But for today, I will take the joy!!

Good-bye Applewood

Applewood is a favorite restaurant of mine. I've been there numerous times, but the most momentous one was on my first date with Blair. We closed the restaurant down with our non-stop talking. We had so much in common and there was chemistry too! We liked each other instantly! Nine days after that first date at our mutually loved place, Blair asked me to marry him! I said yes with no reservations.

Many times after that, we'd go there to toast our good fortune in finding each other and enjoy the wonderful food as well. It was always special.

After Blair passed into eternity two years later, I'd still go there. Sometimes with family, sometimes with a friend. Just last week, with two hiking friends, I had a delicious lamb chop accompanied with gnocchi in a white wine sauce and parmesan cheese. It was great--as expected
.

Unfortunately, the restaurant is now closed. They will continue catering but not dining in. I will miss that place. It's full of memories of great conversation, delicious food--and best of all, the launch off of a wonderful relationship--and marriage. I'm sad they are closed, but everything doesn't stay the same. Even great eateries.  Moving forward.....for backwards is not an option.

Wedding Toast

Fall Changes

These kiddos are bigger now....

I've been feeling a bit melancholic the past week or so. Part of the melancholy is that summer is waning.

In a sense, change is good. I'm getting tired of watering plants, making sure the grass stays green, keeping out the weeds and slugs. Tired of monitoring open and closed windows. Watching out for fleas--a kitty who goes in and out of the house brings those critters with her!

No, that change is fine. It's that the school year is coming and with it brings excitement and a more set schedule. Even for those of us who aren't involved in school anymore, either as an occupation or parent. What's sad is there will be only two little ones needing my assistance in the homeschooling experience. The boys are taking more outside classes and need more time to stay at home to complete their studies. While I love having the girls, it's just another indication that all of my grandies are growing up and away from their parents--and me!

I read this morning in Jeremiah 10. This phrase stood out to me: The LORD of hosts is His name. That was a comfort to me, for He is over all. Even these fall changes and growth.

I will attempt to shake off the melancholy, for it's all part of the change of seasons. And I will recall that phrase, The LORD of hosts is His name. And I can call on Him because He loves me.

Fall, 2012

Sisters---Seesters---Sweaters

There are four of us. Joyce, me, Eileen and Betsy. We fiercely love each other. Though we may be quick to criticize each other, we also would defend the other if someone outside our group of sisterhood did. Being with my sisters is just like going home, For in a sense we are home to each other.

Two weeks ago, we had a sister week. Joyce came down from up north. Betsy came up from the hot southwest. Eileen and I were right here, in the middle. We stayed at my house.

Eileen, Betsy, Joyce, Shirley

I warned my facebook friends to watch out--for there might be uncontrollable laughter from four women who looked somewhat alike. I should have also warned my friends that one or all four of us might break into song! For we also like to sing and have a habit of singing just about anything.

We did laugh for sure. We sang. I didn't mention there might be crying, and that happened too. Why did we cry? Sometimes it was in anguish or frustration as we discussed our children. Sometimes there were tears about our situation--financial, alone-ness, fears. There were tears about our mates--because of them--or lack of them. We were equally divided. Two were married. Two were not.

We played dominoes. Learned some new rules while playing. Were quietly competitive.

We cooked together. Made the wonderful mouth watering delight of watermelon, eaten with krullers--the delicious confection a bit like a doughnut, but not as sweet. We celebrated a birthday and prepared her requested meal. German style homemade noodles with onions and pork, topped off with fresh glazed peach pie. A dish made by Mom long ago.

Preparing krullers

Yum, watermelon and krullers

Cutting watermelon

Using family cookbook for krullers

We drove together to re-visit places where we lived. We went to our grandparents' adopted home town where we drove around until we found both sets of grandparents' homes. We could see remnants of what we remembered the houses looked like. The train track was still there. Then we drove to their graves. They were wonderful grandparents.

My Grandpa Quiring's marker

My Grandma Quiring's marker

What was formerly Haley Baptist Church

We visited the country church where Dad was pastor during our growing up years. The church has a different name now. The lot where the parsonage and church sits seem so small. We posed in front of the elementary school three of four attended. The front of the school was unchanged, in all those years.

We all attended here

Why did I mention "sweaters" in my title? Well, that came up in our messages to one another during the week. One sister was texting another and the helpful speller thought "sweaters" was a better choice than "seesters". It is now the new family joke: the four sweaters: sweater #1, sweater #2, sweater #3, sweater #4. All unique, but woven from the same cloth: Mom and Dad,

I'm so glad God has blessed me with my family--God is good --and certainly has a sense of humor when He placed us together in our family.

Happy Sister aka Seester--err--Sweater Week! May they continue!

What Might Have Been/What Was/What Is

July 16, 1965 dawned a clear, hot blue-skied day. I was a mere 19 year old bride, excited to take my vows with my fiance, George William Rudberg, Jr. He went by Bill with his friends and family. By George at work and he had no problem switching from one name to the other. Little did I know when I took those vows what my future would be like, for none of us do. But it was a good ride with the normal troubles and trials, joys and sorrows. But we did it together, Bill and I. 

We had two surviving children, who produced grandchildren for us to love.

July 16, 1965

I didn't anticipate this photo taken on Father's Day, 2005, would be our last photo together where Bill was in a healthy state. No, we were just enjoying Father's Day at our daughter and son in law's home. I'm glad we didn't know the future. We had a wonderful time that day, little did we know soon, pain and sorrow would be our future.

June 19, 2005

I'm alone now. I married again. And sorrowed again in another loss. But that's another blog for another day.

 I'm not sorry I took those vows those many years ago now. For I would have missed out on the ride of a lifetime. Learning many things--like riding a motorcycle. Like rappelling off of Rooster Rock. Like climbing mountains. Backpacking. Fishing in the ocean. Taking flying lessons. Flying many hours in a small plane with Bill--the best pilot in the world--in my eyes, anyway. Loving much. I'll see you again, dear Bill. In heaven. But for now, I'll think about what was. What might have been. What is.

And One More Milepost

Greg and Blair at Oxford

How could I not include one of my newest sons! He will be thirty-eight on his daughter's birthday.Greg is one special man. He fiercely loves his little family, Caytie and Meghan.

Greg is a constant calmness in many people's stormy days. He is the one--especially now that I don't have my dad for theological questions--I trust the most in the spiritual realm.

Greg reminds me mostly of his father, Blair. A calm, resolute, do-things-right-guy.

Because I married Blair, Greg is my son. I'm so glad you're in my life, Greg. Happy thirty-eighth birthday!

Greg holding Meghan, Caytie and of course, Lucy!
In Baden Baden, Germany.

Mileposts...big ones and small ones...

Tomorrow and the next day are dates that are mileposts for several people in my family. Milepost One  is my own girlie, Erika Ann. Tomorrow she will turn forty. How can that be? I remember when she was born so clearly. The silky soft skin of her face next to mine. Her little six and a half pound body in my arms. The kitten-like mewing sound when she cried. I remember the pull of my heartstrings as I witnessed happy times and sad times in her life. Her name means "strong one" and she is that. Happy birthday, dearest daughter!

Big brother Todd holding baby Erika

Erika's 16th birthday with her two grandpa's

Happy times in San Francisco--we're moving Todd back to Vancouver

Milepost Two is my oldest grandgirlie, Rebekah. She's turning twenty-one on the day Erika turns forty. Though I met Rebekah when she was two, I'll never forget that pixie face, pretty brown eyes, and trusting smile when I took her hand for a walk. I'm so glad you're in my life, Boo. Happy 21st birthday!

In San Francisco

Milepost Three takes place June 28th when my youngest grandgirlie turns one! What a happy, well-adjusted baby she is! I can't wait to see her again when she comes back to the States. Happy birthday, dearest Meghan. Hugs and kisses!

Grammie and Meghan in Germany at seven months

Erika and Me

Lovely words....

I love words. Written words. Spoken words. A writer's words. My words. God's words. Sometimes I'm so inspired by words, I copy them down, just to read and think about them one more time.

I was struck by the following verse in Proverbs, written by a wise man, inspired by God.

By long forbearance a ruler is persuaded,

And a gentle tongue breaks a bone.

Proverbs 25:15 

How often have my words struck something in a person's heart and mind? I know my words are not always gentle. Sometimes they are harsh. Impatient. Are they profound enough to "break a bone"? I'm not sure, but I pray my words will move those closest to me to do good. To love more. To have mercy. Most of all, to love God.

Discouragement

I was reading my daily devotional this morning, a little dismayed about something significant only to me. You don't need to know what that is, for it isn't that important to the story. What is significant is the statement that arrested my attention: Do not get discouraged--it may be the last key on the ring that opens the door. I've been trying quite a few "keys" to open the door. And they haven't worked!

That statement told me, though, that I need to keep trying the keys until the lock clicks open! It may take the rest of my life, but that's ok. I'm not opening the locks without my loving Savior with me. He's there when I hurt and when I'm happy. He's there when I'm trying to push the key in the lock and it doesn't fit. He loves me and wants only the very, very best for me.

So I will keep trying the keys on the ring. But not alone.

Hope

In my special quiet spot, I read from what is becoming my favorite book in the Bible, Isaiah. This was in chapter 60 verses 19 and 20.

  The sun shall no longer be your light by day,

Nor for brightness shall the moon give light to you; 

But the LORD will be to you an everlasting light,

And your God your glory.

Your sun shall no longer go down,

Nor shall your moon withdraw itself;

For the LORD will be your everlasting light,

And the days of your mourning shall be ended.(emphasis mine)

Wow, "the days of your mourning shall be ended". I am ready for my days of mourning to be ended, even though my Blessed Comforter has been the nearest at these mourning times. I don't think the Scripture passage truly meant that will happen in this life, but in the life to come. Yet, I'm grateful for the hope. And perhaps, just perhaps, my mourning is ended here on earth for a time.

In the meantime, I will bask in the sun, though it goes down. I will enjoy the full moon with its light at night. And I will depend on God being my glory. 

And while I'm in mourning--and I can hope it will end at least for a time--I still have the hope and knowledge the LORD is my everlasting light. And that is enough.

An "aha" Moment

I was wowed by Scripture today. That's why I highly recommend to everyone to read through the Bible. Not necessarily in one year, but in a methodic, purposeful way. I found something that isn't the "Read it Through One Year" type because for me that was too much. I'd just speed-read through it, mark it on the little marker, brush my hands together as if to say, "I've done my duty today." No. The method I like takes you through on a slower path. Each day you read a certain section of the Bible. Today I read in Luke 1. I have read in Luke many times. It's a capstone book of the New Testament and in great detail, tells us about our Lord and Savior. What I missed until today, though, was the passage where John the Baptist's father, Zacharias, prophesied after John's birth. Here it is:

And you, child (speaking to his newborn son), will be called the prophet of the Highest; 

For you will go before the face of the Lord to prepare His ways, 

To give knowledge of salvation to His people 

By the remission of their sins, 

Through the tender mercy of our God, with which the Dayspring from on high has visited us;

 To give light to those who sit in darkness and the shadow of death, 

To guide our feet into the way of peace.

Does that get to you like it does to me? It is so clear that Jesus WAS the Messiah! Oh that eyes will be opened. I've read through the Bible--in the faster, one-year method, and the slower, a-day-in-each-section-of-Scripture, thus taking at least three years time. At least 30 times I've run, jogged, and strolled through the Bible. Yet today, the above passage just jumped out at me. Isn't it wonderful? Can you think of another piece of literature that can speak to us. Day after day, year after year? We are so very, very blessed with Scripture. A gift from God. A letter from the Holy One to us.

I love words and the words and phrases that really spoke to me today were: "face of the Lord", "tender mercy of our God", "Dayspring". I don't think I can add any more to these God-inspired words. Do you?

Somewhere in California

Good Friday

In my devotions today, I was reminded of how God takes care of everything. That includes hazy pink blossomed plum trees. Struggling spears of tulips leaves, pushing through the soil. Arrogant daffodils with their bright lemon yellow trumpet-like noses. Hatching chicks--with their built in beak hooks to help them break out of their opaque oval prison. Don't those little miracles of creation show how much He cares?

This Good Friday--and it is Good for the terrible sacrifice the Holy One suffered for ME (and you) gives us eternal life when we believe and accept His gift. Can we do anything less than entrust our circumstances to Him--great and small? Like over-charges on my credit card, a possible lawsuit in my family, healing a family member's broken heart--or on my mind today, my second-to-youngest grandie girl, little Em, who will have surgery today for a broken bone. I can trust God to take care of the big and small. He's big enough--and most of all, cares enough--even more than I can ever imagine. And that is Good.

Traveling Internationally

I've done quite a bit of traveling--and even internationally. God has blessed me with many opportunities. I was able to go to England, Wales and Scotland with my first husband, Bill. It was an adventure we shared together. In Scotland, we looked at each other questioningly when the server repeated our order in her Scottish brogue. Did she say we were getting a burger? Or one Scottish woman when complaining about England having too many sheep: "Sheepie, sheepie, everywhere!" It became our private joke: "sheepie, sheepie."

Then I traveled to Italy with two of my sisters and sister in law.We marveled at the lovely scenery. It was exactly like the movie "Under the Tuscan Sun"! We giggled when we hoped the conductor wouldn't ask us for our tickets on the train, for we forgot to keep the ticket.

Then there was the mega trip to South Africa with 17 hours of flight. But I had my second husband, Blair, with me. We laughed together at the movies. Agreed the food wasn't that great. And held hands on take offs and landings.

I just returned from my first international flight alone. My heart squeezed in sadness and memory as a couple held hands and the husband kissed his wife. I had to stop myself from grabbing my seat mate's hand when we bumped a bit descending in Reykjavik, Iceland. But I did it! One more step moving forward. Creating new history--by myself--and those special people I have in my life.

Hohenzollern Castle

In Heidelberg

Malbronn Monastery

Best of all, Meghan and Grammie

Super Bowl

Well, I made it through another Super Bowl. It was fun. My team won. My family was there. We had good food and laughed a lot.

That's not to say I didn't have glimmers of sadness during the day, for I did. Yesterday marked the anniversary of the death of my husband of 40 years. Bill died on February 3, 2006. It was two days later, on Super Bowl Sunday, we were planning his funeral service. People were at my house going over things he said and did. We were remembering.

The next couple of years were a learning experience. Learning to do things I'd never done before. Most of all, though, I learned to truly lean and trust in my Father God. He loved me so much He gave me as a  gift to his only Son, Jesus, who died for me!

Then I was given a wonderful, nearly heavenly-like experience. I fell in love again with a kind and wonderful man. Who loved football. Who would never miss a Super Bowl Game. So for one Super Bowl, Blair and I watched it together. By ourselves, for we didn't need anyone else. We ate. Cheered. Enjoyed each other's company.

Four years after that sad Super Bowl day of remembering Bill, I spent it alone again. Oh, the house was full of people, for we were celebrating Blair's life in the form of a Super Bowl Wake. But I was alone, for my best friend, lover and husband was not there. His memorial service was the day before. Blair's team lost that day. And we lost him.

I'm getting better. Learning how to live without both of those special men. Learning how to live a new normal. But Super Bowl always brings me back to those sad memories.

I do know this. Both Bill and Blair would have wanted me to go on. To move forward in my life. And I am. Some days are just more difficult than others. I'm glad there's only one Super Bowl every year.

He Was There

"This is my doing." He said in I Kings 12:24. I've come through a storm. It was a mere tempest compared to some of the storms in my life. This one was a short storm. It is past now. There is promise of sunshine today and I am glad. I am so grateful for the hope I have in the Lord. He is with me. Has been with me. Will be with me. Past, present and future! What more can I ask?! I won't ask. I will trust.

Somewhere in Montana

January Dates

Why am I feeling so bluesy today? I did all the right things. I had my coffee. I read my Bible. I prayed. I even went to the gym. But I’ve got this uneasy sort of feeling. I thought about what day it was. It’s the end of January and January is filled with many dates full of sorrow and loss. January 29th especially.

On that date in 2006, my husband of forty years, Bill, had a second stroke and his condition worsened. He had been in the hospital for two days and they had been watching him carefully. Late in the afternoon, the neurosurgeon decided Bill needed a dangerous procedure to keep him from dying. Dr. George Shanno performed an angioplasty of the four arteries in his brain. The immediate outcome was successful and many of Bill’s symptoms were relieved. He was able to move his left side more easily, though he would still need therapy. His neurologist thought he would be a good candidate for that. We had a few good days with Bill and it seemed like he would beat the latest battle on his body but on February 3, 2006, Bill passed into eternity with his Lord and Savior.

Many things happened after that. I learned to live alone for the first time. I had to find a new job. I made myself learn new things I’d never had to do before. I missed Bill and hated being alone. But then, I had joy and new love. I married another wonderful man. We had just  returned one month earlier from a six week trip to South Africa. It had been a second honeymoon. 

January 29, 2010. I didn’t think about the significance of this date. Blair and I had a wonderful day. It was a Friday. We had been to the gym. We had a special Friday night dinner. Scallops with angel hair pasta and roasted red pepper soup. A good white wine. A movie. Togetherness.

Moments later, Blair didn't feel well. His symptoms worsened and I called an ambulance. He lost consciousness and was taken to the hospital emergency room. They needed to relieve pressure on his brain from a hemorrhage. The same neurosurgeon, Dr. George Shanno, performed the surgery. Later he told me he didn’t think there was much hope and several hours later, Blair was declared brain dead. 

We donated his kidneys and on January 31, 2010, Blair also entered eternity.

Yes, the 29th of January has significance to me. Of loss and sadness, but also triumph as I know both of those men had faith in Jesus Christ and were in heaven with Him. I have the joy of knowing I will see them again when it is my turn to enter heaven’s gates. 

        Now I understand my uneasiness. The malaise I was experiencing. I must walk through this time of significant dates.  I’ll get better. Just not today.