God's Sovereign Grace

Looking back at an old journal, I see angst. You see, from the date, I realize I was a new widow. The first time. 

It was three weeks after my husband Bill died, and I found out I had no job for the next school year. They were closing the school and I needed to work. While reading it this morning, I knew the end. I did find a job--a good one. But the job answer came ten weeks later. When I needed the job. Not before. 

I didn’t know the future of that job either. Now I did though. I didn’t know I’d be married again to a wonderful loving man, who gave me his teacher’s pension for the rest of my life. I don’t have to worry about getting another job. My needs are provided for. 

Now, I sit here in the morning room. Reading about the past, not knowing the future, yet knowing God is still there. He knows my future. I know my ultimate future. I rest in You, God my Father, Jesus my Savior, Holy Spirit, my blessed Comforter.

                                                                         Photo taken in South Africa, late 2009.

Cleaning and organizing--a different kind of grief...

My dear son in law, Trent, gave me a gift last Christmas. He said he'd help me organize my garage with new shelves and such, to put a disorganized three car garage in better order. Who would have thought starting this project would make me grieve--but it did! I think I know why. My first husband, Bill, would never have needed my help in arranging and making things orderly. It was a family joke that we could eat in our garage. Everything was neat and in its place. I wonder what he would think about how my garage looks now?  I imagine he'd get in there and easily put things in a more orderly fashion. Then I think about Blair, my second husband--this was his garage that I'm organizing. I started tossing things I knew he wouldn't need any more-duplicate prints that were already framed and no one wanted, old classroom notes, and very old bank statements. I try to organize doubles of things--he had his garden tools, I had mine. Then I see his sun hat, no longer needed. Ouch. That hurts too.

Moving forward in life and even in my grieving process has its highs and lows. I know both husbands would be pleased that I'm even straightening my garage. Bill would say, "Good job, gorgeous!" Blair would say, "Well done, my sweetheart! You're a star!"

Here's to both of you, Bill and Blair. I'm so glad you both were in my life! I know garages aren't important to you now, but I like to think you'd both be pleased I'm continuing to live and move forward.